"Thrice the charm": The bi girl’s guide to threesomes

threesome

“Doing anything much this weekend?”

Wow, you’re bisexual! Do you want to have sex with me and my girlfriend?”- Some guy.

Tale as old as time, boy meets girl, girl is bi, guy hits on girl for threesome. Yes, this dynamic is messed up. But when we do it on our terms, threesomes can be amazing. Here are our top tips for making sure your ventures into the world of the three (or more) some are amazing.

1. Not every bisexual wants to have a threesome.

I cannot stress this enough. Just because someone is open to the idea of sexual or romantic involvement with members of more than one gender, it absolutely does not mean they want both at the same time.

Establishing that everyone involved is enthusiastically consenting before you get down to business is essential, as is checking consent during the fun times. Everyone must feel free to back out at any time. Not only is this the law, it also makes for much more fun if you know that everyone else is as into it as you are.

Don’t forget that adding an extra set of genitals to a sexual scenario is complicated, and deeply polarising- some people are just not into the idea, regardless of sexual orientation. If however you are one of those keen to expand your sexual repertoire in this way, there are a few further questions that need considering.

2. Guest star, main cast, or one-off special?

What are the relationships between the people involved, and how do you fit in? The one-off special may be the easiest situation to navigate. If none of you have an existing romantic relationship with any of the other people involved, there is less to lose should things not turn out as planned. The down side of the one-off this that it can be trickier to instigate (how does three people hanging out together turn into sexytimes?) and more likely to happen under the influence of booze or something less legal when inhibitions are low and bad decisions are frequent.

Flaming_cocktails

“Use the booze wisely!”

The other common way threesomes occur is as a couple plus one. If you are a member of the couple, for God’s sake talk to your partner beforehand about what to expect, and what your limits are. It is completely normal to be keen on the idea of a threesome in theory, but completely against your partner doing certain acts with someone else. Figure out these boundaries in advance. Also, don’t treat the guest star as an inanimate sex toy simply there for your enjoyment as a couple. They’re another  person with sexual desires and limits – set the boundaries with them as well.

Guest stars avoid the impact a poorly thought out threesome can have on a couple, but also run the risk of feeling isolated from the already established sexual chemistry between the couple. You have to be confident that you will be included, but that your presence won’t be a cause of tension between them, for the threesome to be a good experience for all.

3. MFF/FMM/WTF?

The gender makeup of your menage can also change the experience for everyone involved. One of the first things to think about is whether anyone is exclusively gay or straight? If someone is in no way attracted to any of the other participants then it won’t be the fun filled lust-fest that it could be. If there is someone in the group that you don’t want to see naked, I’d advise sitting this one out.

One of the many awesome things about being bi is that we have the potential to be into having partners of more than one gender at the same time. But that does not mean that we all want to bang any couple of people at any given time. Couples: do not assume that a single bisexual is your guaranteed way to triple the fun – they may not be into you. If this is the case, respect that.

"Keep it safe, kids!"

“Keep it safe, kids!”

5. Sober or otherwise?

A little dutch courage may not be a bad way to get things started, but I would strongly advise against going in pissed. You want to remember every sexy detail the next day, not wake up with a thumping headache and a cloud of regrets. Also keep in mind that alcohol and drugs can cause problems when it comes to consent. If someone involved is intoxicated, they are not able to give their consent, and having sex with someone not able to consent is rape. Seems simple, but these things get blurred in the heat of the moment so it is crucial that you have thought about it beforehand.

6. Keeping it safe

An extra set of junk = a higher risk of STDs. It’s simple maths. Get a good supply of condoms and dental dams, and use them! If penis (or sex toy) in vagina or anal intercourse is happening, switch condoms every time you switch holes. And don’t complain it ruins the fun – yes a threesome is meant to be sexy, but you know what isn’t sexy? Crabs.

 

Main photo © Jackie and licensed for use under Creative Commons

 

One Response to "Thrice the charm": The bi girl’s guide to threesomes

  • janis hetherington says:

    Great article and sound advice..other than that ENJOY and remember do not scream recriminations months later…agree first and the World is your lobster ( not your crab arrrrrrrrrrrrrrhh)

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