The real thing: How to tell if it’s love or lust

Lujuria_Lust_Sensaciones_(3970127447)Megan Luscombe looks at the differences between love and lust

I’m the first to admit that I love all things romance. I’ve read all the classic love stories and watched every romcom that’s come out in the past 10 years, twice. Most people would say I fit into the ‘cheesy’ category sitting in the bleachers with all the Disney Princesses, but I don’t mind because I am lucky enough to understand what it is to call ‘real love’ and to know first hand what it takes to make it last.

Over the years I have come to understand and appreciate that love is a personal experience and topic. In fact I have learned that love is so completely individualistic no two people experience it the same, ever. I have been witness to the countless questions that come with understanding love and can say without hesitation that the one key confusion about love is not love at all, rather its horny cousin, lust.

Often confused with love, lust is as an emotion or feeling of intense desire in the body. Lust is a powerful psychological force producing intense wanting for an object, or circumstance fulfilling the emotion. In its purest form lust is physical attraction and has absolutely no lasting effect, however many people experiencing this high will refer to themselves as being ‘in love’.

Is that you? Here are some signs to see where you sit on the lust spectrum.

  1. You’re focused more on how they look than who they are as a person
    You are in awe of his/her beauty – you could stare at them for hours. To you they are perfect from head to toe without any sight of flaws. You are obsessed with their perfection and revel in the knowledge of being able to hang off their arm in public and then shag them at night
  2. You rather the fantasy
    You no longer act like ‘you’ anymore. You’ve started to become younger in behaviour, drinking, acting out and doing things that stoke the ‘fire’ inside of you. You’re living each day like it’s a thrill ride and getting off on the high.
  3. Can we have sex now?
    Although you love chatting with him/her, because you do have so much in common, you can’t help but find yourself thinking when you are together “Can we have sex now?”
  4. You’re needy. All the time.
    If you don’t get the attention you want from him/her on a daily basis you feel like your world is ending. Are they texting someone else? Are they shagging someone else? Why aren’t they answering my calls?
  5. The feeling is conditional
    Lust is drenched in fulfilment without concern of anything else. Lust blurs every single boundary so you end up satisfying yourself.
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Charlotte Dingle

Charlotte 'Lottie' Dingle is Biscuit's founding editor. When she's not running freelancing for a diverse bunch of clients ranging from Cosmo to Occupy, she enjoys teaching life drawing, discussing life/the universe/everything with her beloved (but smelly) 22-year-old cat, writing flash fiction for her MA course, getting pretentious tattoos, listening to folk music, creating surrealist art, trying to change the world and drinking red wine. Oh, and My Little Pony. Don't forget My Little Pony. Her favourite biscuits are cream crackers (do they count as biscuits?).

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