sexism

“I’m Not Interested In Moaning That All Men Are Hard Done By” – A Defence of Women Only Spaces

2000px-Williamsburg_restroom_sign_cropped.svgIt seems like one of those debates that never ends: are woman only spaces empowering or discriminatory? Are they valuable or dated and unnecessary? Do they build bonds, or build walls?

We hear a lot from men who are against the concept, but bi activist Grant Denkinson is not one of them.

I’m a bisexual cisgender man and if women choose women-only spaces that is their business and not mine.

However, some people might be interested in my opinions including other men processing how they feel:

The first thing I think of is feeling excluded; unwanted; not allowed in. I’m a bit sensitive to that sort of thing as many of us are. I might feel a bit frustrated or annoyed.  One of the things I’ve learned from polyamory is to stop a moment and take notice of feelings like jealousy; This might be a similar feeling. I… Continue reading

“Fancy a 3sum?”: Online Dating As A Bi Woman…

woman-731894_1920Looking for love and/or lust on the internet is hard enough, without having to contend with people’s ignorance about your sexuality. However, on the plus-side, it can be a great way to find like-minded people who genuinely accept you being bi…

The fact that I’m in search of a mono relationship is spelled out in nursery level English on all my dating profiles. Yet I’ve probably had at least 10 direct requests for threesomes just this month. I even had to block a man who took the time to send nine messages, each more fire and brimstone-filled than the last, explaining how my orgiastic lifestyle would land me in Hell.

It hasn’t all been doom and gloom, though. Having the chance to gauge whether or not a date will deal with the “b-bomb” OK is out of the way at the beginning, so by the time you’re at the meeting… Continue reading

No laughing matter: Sexism on the comedy circuit

no-girls-allowedWhat do you call a woman at a comedy club? The waitress.

I recently experienced some old school, 50s-style sexism at the hands of an award-winning London comedy club. Don Draper didn’t pinch my bottom. I wasn’t thrown out of the board room. I was kept out of a less glamorous room – the upstairs of a north London pub.

A little bit of background – I’m not a professional comedian. I’m entirely new to the world of comedy, having just done a beginners course, and I’m trying to book a few London gigs and make performing a semi regular hobby. I’d heard that this club (which shall remain nameless) runs a well respected new acts night. When they told me that they were fully-booked for the foreseeable future it wasn’t particularly surprising – clearly lots of people want to get on the bill there. But then the surprising thing happened. Three male friends who had done the comedy course with me were given spots, despite having asked after I was told no.

So what does a girl do in this situation? Well firstly, I obsessed that I had somehow come across as an unfunny idiot in my initial email, and that’s why they’d said no. Then I went into detective mode. I set up a new email account under a male name, emailed the club pretending to be a completely new person, and waited. Lo and behold, my male alter ego was given a spot, no questions asked.
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Fans vs fiction: Queerbaiting in "Supernatural"

“Queerbaiting is clinging to the heteronormative interpretation on the surface of things, and refusing to invalidate it, but still trying to present a queer reading in the background; metaphorically selling the hetero story from the front door, and the queer story out back.” Rowan

Sometimes we hold on, far past when we think we should call it quits, because of hope – painful, agonising, stubborn hope. For me, an important source of hope fizzled out in the wake of a Supernatural episode “Fan Fiction” that aired on Tuesday November 11, 2014. My hope ended with these words: you have your version, we have ours.

There’s plenty of speculation out there on whether Supernatural queerbaits its lead male characters Dean, Sam, and Castiel, but there’s no question in my mind that big media corporations recognise and make every attempt to profit over highly popular fan pairings, straight or otherwise. It’s the very heart of television marketing. Supernatural has explicitly acknowledged the popular ships “wincest” and “destiel” in the show itself, alerting fans that they see what they’re up to and know what they want. Wincest, as it involves two brothers, is highly unlikely to ever become an explicit relationship, but fans take the queerbaiting involving destiel, two non-related main male characters, seriously because why shouldn’t we?
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