poly

Eight Myths About Pansexuality, Debunked

downloadIt’s hard to deny that ignorances and misunderstandings about pansexuals exist, and the bisexual community is not immune – despite facing plenty of myths of our own.  Myths around bisexuality and pansexuality overlap, but pansexuality also attracts some unique prejudices. It’s time to put them all to bed, starting with eight of the most common panphobic myths.

MYTH: Pansexual is a new term

FACT: We’ve been seeing the word pansexual since at least 1924. It’s shifted in meaning since it was coined, of course, just like the words ‘bisexual’, ‘homosexual’ and even ‘furniture’, ‘girl’ and ‘manufacture’. That’s just how language works.

It was first used by contemporary critics of Freud such as Otto Rank and Wilhelm Reich in derision, as an ironic validation of Freud’s suggestion that “that the sex instinct plays the primary part in all human activity”; or that our libidos either directly or indirectly, drive… Continue reading

“Fancy a 3sum?”: Online Dating As A Bi Woman…

woman-731894_1920Looking for love and/or lust on the internet is hard enough, without having to contend with people’s ignorance about your sexuality. However, on the plus-side, it can be a great way to find like-minded people who genuinely accept you being bi…

The fact that I’m in search of a mono relationship is spelled out in nursery level English on all my dating profiles. Yet I’ve probably had at least 10 direct requests for threesomes just this month. I even had to block a man who took the time to send nine messages, each more fire and brimstone-filled than the last, explaining how my orgiastic lifestyle would land me in Hell.

It hasn’t all been doom and gloom, though. Having the chance to gauge whether or not a date will deal with the “b-bomb” OK is out of the way at the beginning, so by the time you’re at the meeting… Continue reading

Bi, Poly, Parent, Anti-christ: Parenting while bi in a straight, straight world.

identity-683963_1280What do you get when you combine two mums, a dad, fourteen children and a conservative society? Why, a super villain of course! Valarie Clark-Neff takes wry look at the pitfalls of parenting while polyamorous and bi…

Dear children,

Please be advised: Your mom is a supervillain, hell-bent on destroying the patriarchy. She sometimes assumes civilian form and tries to blend into mainstream (straight) society, but much of her time is spent as a misandrist miscreant, fighting against biphobia, homophobia, misogyny, and other forms of bigotry.

You see the society you are inheriting is full of power hungry people who believe there is only one right way to have a family – with the man as the head of the household and the woman and children supporting him in his endeavors. The structure of this ideal family in our society is rigid and doesn’t allow for variation. It divides society… Continue reading

Past the look: What is demisexuality?

love-560783_1280One thing that has bothered me for a while when it comes to LGBT+ spaces is that they are primarily focused on bars and clubs: spaces revolving around alcohol and casual sex. For me, as someone who doesn’t drink, they are only places I would go if I was with a larger group of queer friends. Outside of that however, it is rare that I come across somewhere that is both queer and casual that I would like to spend my weekends.

I have recently been doing some research on the asexual (ace) and aromantic (aro) communities that are included within the LGBT+ umbrella but are very often ignored. One main difficulty the ace community faces is people rebranding the “A” in LGBTQIA as being for allies and not asexuals. This erases them even further as they are replaced by non-queer representation, which is exactly, not, the point.

The problem with LGBT+ spaces being hypersexualised means that queer ace people could feel uncomfortable or unwelcome in queer spaces due to the heavy focus on indulging in casual sexual behaviour, which is totally fine and awesome if you are into that sort of thing, but if you aren’t it leaves you in the cold as to where to find queer spaces and likeminded queer individuals. This oversexualisation of queerness and queer spaces also means that asexuals get forgotten and are sometimes not seen as being “queer enough” to be part of the community. Which is something that to bisexuals sounds strangely familiar…
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Fans vs fiction: Queerbaiting in "Supernatural"

“Queerbaiting is clinging to the heteronormative interpretation on the surface of things, and refusing to invalidate it, but still trying to present a queer reading in the background; metaphorically selling the hetero story from the front door, and the queer story out back.” Rowan

Sometimes we hold on, far past when we think we should call it quits, because of hope – painful, agonising, stubborn hope. For me, an important source of hope fizzled out in the wake of a Supernatural episode “Fan Fiction” that aired on Tuesday November 11, 2014. My hope ended with these words: you have your version, we have ours.

There’s plenty of speculation out there on whether Supernatural queerbaits its lead male characters Dean, Sam, and Castiel, but there’s no question in my mind that big media corporations recognise and make every attempt to profit over highly popular fan pairings, straight or otherwise. It’s the very heart of television marketing. Supernatural has explicitly acknowledged the popular ships “wincest” and “destiel” in the show itself, alerting fans that they see what they’re up to and know what they want. Wincest, as it involves two brothers, is highly unlikely to ever become an explicit relationship, but fans take the queerbaiting involving destiel, two non-related main male characters, seriously because why shouldn’t we?
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