IVF

Janis Hetherington SPECIAL: "WTF, Dolce & Gabbana?"

syringesJanis Hetherington was the first UK woman in an openly same-sex couple to be artificially inseminated. Unsurprisingly, she saw fit to have a few words about the Dolce & Gabbana debacle…

So I’m sat here surrounded by voluminous column inches about sproglets. Not your any common or garden sprogs but those requiring a lickle bit of nuture against nature as I do each spring in my greenhouse. Selective breeding so to speak. Making sure my pelargoniums do not conspire with my super-white geraniums and breed a puce variety that will alarm my bedding scheme.

All very acceptable at Chelsea Flower Show and especially amongst the giant veg brigade spiking each others entries with unspeakable wraths come the late Summer shows BUT we are talking about humankind here and selective breeding as we all know is the strict realm of toffs and warlords. So wot’s up DOC? Well Doc is indeed guilty of test tube conspiracy. Oh! What does go on in those breeding dishes that gobble up our defective genes?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh Genes? Well actually jeans or rather non jeans. Do Dolce & Gabbana possess or progress 501s? Of course it is the other genes they’ve made pronouncement about and upset poor old Elton and Martina (those icons of all things mildly or even vermillion pinky) to such an extent that boycotts and burnings at the stake are threatened throughout pinkdom and even faghaggerydom.
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Janis Hetherington – Part 19: "Marriage"

Marriage-handcuffsJanis Hetherington was the first UK woman in an openly same-sex couple to be artificially inseminated. In this, the 19th part of her exclusive autobiographical series for Biscuit, Janis ponders the issue of marriage.

So, let’s describe my dilemma. Marriage. Like not an agreement but the whole shebang.. crash bang wallop. Suddenly we (myself and my polyamour of 40 years) have a drawer full of invites. The present list alone would sort out Biscuit for life!!

What is it? How can you contemplate it if, like me, you know you are capable of having multiple sexual partners? What are you committing to? The right of equality? Is that all it is? To prove YOU have the right to be equal? But equal to what? As I understand marriage vows in my nearly 70 years on this odd and not so green planet I see it as a contract of bondage not always lovey dovey bliss. We (as playful partners) were supposed to be different. Yes we signed legal contracts over property and wills but nuptials….? Not our bag dear-hearts.

And no I am NOT naïve. I have fought many court cases that I would still have had to fight had I and my children been part of a conventional marriage contract. Equality yes. The right to choose yes. For those of us who’d be throttled by tying the knot, don’t make us look like non-committers. Security? That seems to be the issue. It always was in a failed marriage and those who specialise in the new brand of GAY MARRIAGE I fear will charge a premium when sorting out assets and unfortunately custody.
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