Dear Joanna

Dear Joanna: "Am I bi enough?"

Untitled-2Dear Joanna,

For the most part I’m certain that I’m bisexual, but it seems like no matter how many times I seek support on the internet and am reassured that yes, it’s okay to be bisexual and lean more heavily towards guys, I still somehow don’t feel “gay” enough to legitimately call myself bi, or be a member of the LGBT community. I also only just recently came out to myself (as in, last week) which might contribute my feelings of not belonging to the LGBT community. Even though the word “bisexual” has been making occasional appearances in my mind for the last 4-5 years, I found it relatively easy to convince myself that I was straight. There was that time that I fooled around with a (girl) friend when I was about 13, but I just called it “experimentation”. And when I had a crush on another female friend from 15-16? I told myself it was just strong friendship, and any time my brain ever dared to label it an actual crush, I told myself I was just going through a phase. Except I’m 20 years old now and really don’t think it can be considered a phase anymore.

I’ve always supported the LGBT community, and grew up in a house that was very open-minded, though this wasn’t the norm for the rest of my family, who are heavily religious Christians. I have an aunt that enjoyed relationships with men until she very unexpectedly fell in love with a woman 15 years ago, whom she is still with today. The rest of my family still accepts my aunt’s presence and makes the effort to keep in touch with her, but it is generally understood that to ever bring her partner to a family event would be taboo. So it’s not that I actually have a problem with liking girls, because I don’t- I just understand how much easier it is to be straight, and wanted to fit that simple model. In fact, I’ve always viewed bisexuality with amazement: basically the definition of loving someone for what’s on the inside, rather than out, and now that I’ve accepted this aspect of myself I’m actually very proud of it, but I feel very unsure about telling people.
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Dear Joanna: "I mainly date women – what if no one believes I'm bi?"

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Dear Joanna,

I like men and women pretty much equally but find it harder to approach and date men – I don’t know why, it’s just some sort of block I have. So I just end up with women.

I know my feelings make me bi but because I never sleep with men I just worry that everyone thinks I’m gay and just saying I’m bi for some reason.

Aline.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi there!

I’m sorry you feel like you don’t get to be true to yourself because of this “block” when it comes to men. Apart from possibly causing you to be seen as gay, it’s also preventing you from meeting potentially amazing partners, which is a shame. If you can, try to work out the cause – was your last (or a past) relationship or experience with a male a particularly negative… Continue reading