Dating

Dear Straight Couples

2285660013_f9667ee1cb_zDear couples of OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, and Tinder

I am not your unicorn. I’m not interested in threesomes. I don’t want to share my body with people I neither know, nor trust. I’m not going to show up at your apartment with lingerie beneath my trenchcoat and play out your girl/girl/boy fantasy. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy group sex, I just don’t enjoy you, or your approach to it.

I understand that as an unpartnered polyamorous bisexual, I’m expected to be available for casual group sex any time, any place, with as little as an hour’s notice. And to that, I say, “Fuck you, pay me.” I am completely uninterested in casual sex with strangers, and since my profile is quite clear about that, it baffles me that you’d persist in asking.

Why do so many of you insist on rudely propositioning single women online for threesomes?… Continue reading

“Body Positivity or Heteronormative Trash?” Biscuit Reviews Dating Show “Naked Attraction”

NINTCHDBPICT000259628882“Lets watch the naked dating show!” I’m two glasses of wine in by now so I’m sure I’ve misheard, but no. There is a television show of the classic one person picking a date from a room full of candidates format, only no one’s wearing any clothes while they do it. Its called Naked Attraction and my two glasses of wine think watching it is a great idea, if only because we’re not entirely sure this thing is real.

The show is real and the intro is so frighteningly cisheteronormative, with its cheerful announcement about finding out “what men and women really want”, that I start to feel like an anthropologist observing an alien culture. My friend promises that they have a bisexual candidate later on, but as the write up talks about her wanting to find out if she’s more attracted to men or women I remain dubious. However,… Continue reading

Flirting Without Fear: Your Guide to Getting It On

download (1)There’s one workshop at BiCon that’s always completely packed: Flirting. We did a little flirting of our own and got Kate Harrad who runs the workshop to let us in on a few of her secrets…

Why do people flirt? There’s often a perception that flirting is a bit dishonest, a bit like beating around the bush; if you fancy someone you should just tell them so. But flirting is a vital tool in the pursuit of romantic/sexual connection. It’s not for everyone, but it is incredibly useful, because the fact is, many – many –  people are not confident enough to walk up to someone and say ‘I fancy you, please date me.’

And the truth is, many people aren’t comfortable with being told that, either. It can put you on the spot, and if you’re not good at saying no, you might find yourself going out with… Continue reading

“Fancy a 3sum?”: Online Dating As A Bi Woman…

woman-731894_1920Looking for love and/or lust on the internet is hard enough, without having to contend with people’s ignorance about your sexuality. However, on the plus-side, it can be a great way to find like-minded people who genuinely accept you being bi…

The fact that I’m in search of a mono relationship is spelled out in nursery level English on all my dating profiles. Yet I’ve probably had at least 10 direct requests for threesomes just this month. I even had to block a man who took the time to send nine messages, each more fire and brimstone-filled than the last, explaining how my orgiastic lifestyle would land me in Hell.

It hasn’t all been doom and gloom, though. Having the chance to gauge whether or not a date will deal with the “b-bomb” OK is out of the way at the beginning, so by the time you’re at the meeting… Continue reading

You Didn't Hear it From Us 30/05/15

Northland_High_School_valedictorian_joins_Navy_130501-N-XB536-034Here’s a round-up of some of the news, blogs posts and comment we missed this week.

 

Did we miss any other must-see stories? Let us know in comments…

Image:  “Northland High School valedictorian joins Navy”… Continue reading

Dear Joanna: "Am I bi enough?"

Untitled-2Dear Joanna,

For the most part I’m certain that I’m bisexual, but it seems like no matter how many times I seek support on the internet and am reassured that yes, it’s okay to be bisexual and lean more heavily towards guys, I still somehow don’t feel “gay” enough to legitimately call myself bi, or be a member of the LGBT community. I also only just recently came out to myself (as in, last week) which might contribute my feelings of not belonging to the LGBT community. Even though the word “bisexual” has been making occasional appearances in my mind for the last 4-5 years, I found it relatively easy to convince myself that I was straight. There was that time that I fooled around with a (girl) friend when I was about 13, but I just called it “experimentation”. And when I had a crush on another female friend from 15-16? I told myself it was just strong friendship, and any time my brain ever dared to label it an actual crush, I told myself I was just going through a phase. Except I’m 20 years old now and really don’t think it can be considered a phase anymore.

I’ve always supported the LGBT community, and grew up in a house that was very open-minded, though this wasn’t the norm for the rest of my family, who are heavily religious Christians. I have an aunt that enjoyed relationships with men until she very unexpectedly fell in love with a woman 15 years ago, whom she is still with today. The rest of my family still accepts my aunt’s presence and makes the effort to keep in touch with her, but it is generally understood that to ever bring her partner to a family event would be taboo. So it’s not that I actually have a problem with liking girls, because I don’t- I just understand how much easier it is to be straight, and wanted to fit that simple model. In fact, I’ve always viewed bisexuality with amazement: basically the definition of loving someone for what’s on the inside, rather than out, and now that I’ve accepted this aspect of myself I’m actually very proud of it, but I feel very unsure about telling people.
Continue reading

The trials and tribulations of playing hard to get

Playing Hard to Get

© Ehud Kenan, used under Creative Commons license

Chloe Marshall wonders how much thrill the chase really holds…

A man smiles at you across the bar, you coyly look back and then away, not wanting to seem too keen on the uptake. You might really fancy him, but you want to present him with a challenge, like a porcupine whose quills stand up on end when on the defensive. You might wait to give him your number, wait to reply to his texts, and generally behave in an evasive, aloof way when he asks to see you – purposely playing hard to get. Because, so the theory goes, you’re the mysterious oh-so-desirable woman, who he works extra hard to impress, thinking that you must be worth it in the end.

Does this dating mantra work, or will your pursuer just give up, concluding that you’re a selfish, self-centred cow?… Continue reading

When dating sites mix business & pleasure

businesscardfinalPete Langman networks while he flirts…

The key to success in business, or so they say, is building relationships, and the best networkers flirt their way into contact folders, tease out business cards and coquettishly demand direct lines.

I made an interesting connection recently. It began in the usual fashion. First contact. An introductory email. Formal, at first, then gradually, maybe a little furtively, the flirtation began. After a week, perhaps a few days more, we made an appointment. Arriving at the hotel-cum-golf club pretty much simultaneously, we parked, alighted and embraced, perhaps a little stiffly. ‘Shall we?’ she asked-cum-proposed, motioning towards the club house. I nodded and we walked towards the sprawling mess of a pseudo-ski chalet that held within it the bar and the promise of distinctly average coffee and the mystery that is the serving of an ‘americano, black’ with a small pot of milk.

We paused… Continue reading