bi*

Coming Out Sucked: How Biphobia Ruined My Coming Out

Screen-Shot-2015-07-07-at-4.10.48-PMComing out in the new millennium is nothing like it was for our predecessors, or we’re told. For them coming out was fearful and even dangerous. For us it should be a joyous occasion. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Biphobia, both external and internal, can make coming out just as hard as it ever was. Here, Alex takes us through her journey.

Coming out sucked.

I remember looking out over the black water as I stood in my favourite thinking place – a now eerily empty and quiet park on my way home in Berlin – and saying those three magical words for the first time: I am bisexual.

The thing is, they didn’t feel magical at all. I spat them out like bile rising in my throat. They never soared, they fell right back down on me, paralysing me with fear and dread. Those three words were… Continue reading

“My Sexuality is Relevant to All Parts of My Life”: Parenting while Bisexual

child-355176_1920Being a bi parent is a bit like having a super power. A super power that you really don’t want and which gives you the ability to feel both highly conspicuous and completely invisible. An impostor in Parentland. It feels isolating, but I am certain I am around other queer people on a daily basis who feel just as closeted as I do by the culture that surrounds parenting infants.

I think an identity shift when becoming a parent is quite common, but my sexuality is something that has stayed consistent. I have always been bi, even before I knew that that was what I should call myself. This is not the same for everyone, and that’s perfectly valid too. My sexuality would still matter even if I only started identifying as bi since becoming a parent, or last week, or just yesterday.
Clearly, a children’s play… Continue reading

Five Ways You Can Look After Bi Mental Health

mental-health-2019924_960_720Bisexual Mental Health Month (BMHM) may feel long over, but that doesn’t mean you need to wait another year to discuss the sweeping mental health issues facing the bi+ community, or to feel guilt-free about focusing on your own mental health troubles. Here are a few things bi+ people and our allies can do to help safeguard the mental health of the bi+ community.

BMHM is an American campaign that runs throughout March to raise awareness of the mental health issues facing the bisexual community. Due to its online presence, it’s beginning to become internationally observed. But mental health doesn’t isn’t just an issue once a year. Here’s how you can look after yours, and others, all year round.

Find bi+ friendly support

Unfortunately, many bisexual people have difficulty getting support for their mental health issues, despite having some of the worse mental health stats in the LGBT+ community.… Continue reading

Manchester LGBT Foundation Launches Bi Series

C5HP7pKW8AIpf--Manchester’s LGBT Foundation today launched a series of events aimed at the bisexual community.

The launch event, which was live-streamed on Facebook, included a talk on the forgotten history of bisexuals in the LGBT movement given by Bisexual Community News editor and recent MBE recipient Jen Yockney.

Speaking to a packed hall, Yockney spoke of the rich and varied history of the bisexual moment, from the erasure faced by the community in the early 1990s – some of which continues today – through protests against Section 28 and right up to the present day.

The event is the first in a series promising a varied programme of events. Check out the full programme here.

You can watch the video of the event on Facebook.

Dear Straight Couples

2285660013_f9667ee1cb_zDear couples of OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, and Tinder

I am not your unicorn. I’m not interested in threesomes. I don’t want to share my body with people I neither know, nor trust. I’m not going to show up at your apartment with lingerie beneath my trenchcoat and play out your girl/girl/boy fantasy. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy group sex, I just don’t enjoy you, or your approach to it.

I understand that as an unpartnered polyamorous bisexual, I’m expected to be available for casual group sex any time, any place, with as little as an hour’s notice. And to that, I say, “Fuck you, pay me.” I am completely uninterested in casual sex with strangers, and since my profile is quite clear about that, it baffles me that you’d persist in asking.

Why do so many of you insist on rudely propositioning single women online for threesomes?… Continue reading

Raising Our Standards: How to Get Your Local Council to Fly the Bi Flag

It may only be February, but bi activists up and down the country are already planning their activities for Bi Visibility Day 2017, and getting our flag raised is on most of their agendas. But how do they do it?

After successfully hoisting the bisexual flag over Oxford in 2016, Stephanie talks us through the steps.

photo 2

This is a photo of the Bi flag flying proudly over Oxford Town Hall for the first time on Bisexual Visibility Day 2016. Since I began lobbying councillors and senior staff to make this happen I have acquired a detailed and unprecedented knowledge of flag flying protocol at Oxford City Council, (OCC). Not every council is the same, but most are at least similar. Here’s my handy ‘how to’ guide should any other bi activists feel inspired to give it a go.

Realise it will take time

I first had the idea to do… Continue reading

Apologising 101

apologizeWe’re all wrong sometimes. The key to our character lies in how we cope with that. An apology can go a long way to righting our wrongs, but, says El, only if we mean it. 

I had some, shall we say, ‘interesting’ interactions with another writer a few days ago. Now, I can’t say I take criticism perfectly myself, I’m a human being, I get defensive. I think almost everyone does. However, there are ways to deal with criticism, and this writer chose one of the worst. They felt it necessary to engage in a very public, rather unbecoming, debacle that took the form of a facebook thread.

I usually try to stay out of such things unless there’s a potential story in it, or some genuine discussion to be had, as changing the minds of strangers on the internet is generally only worthwhile if one is being paid… Continue reading

Giving Up Men is a Slippery Slope

Know-if-You-Are-Heterosexual-Step-10The bi-osphere (geddit!) has reacted angrily to the suggestion from one of our own that we ought to ‘give up men’. Arguments have been made on the basis of gender diversity, self-actualisation and repression.

Our Ed Libby thinks they’re missing one vital point.

Since the Gay Liberation movement first found its feet way back in the 1970s it has been asking bi women to call themselves lesbian, seek only relationships with women, and generally refuse to acknowledge their attraction to anyone else. It was, we were told, not fair to muddy the waters with multi-gender attraction. Better to stick to one and make things easy. It was an act of solidarity, they said. Attraction to one gender is just easier for people to understand. After all, weren’t we all working towards the same goal?

Similarly within the feminist movement, both bi- and heterosexuality were, in some quarters, roundly… Continue reading

Forget What the HuffPo Says – You Can Be Bi Your Way

pexels-photoYesterday, we published a response to the HuffPo blog ‘Calling All Bi Women – Give up Men’. Our inbox has been stuffed ever since. You aren’t happy and you’ve got a lot to say.

 Usually, we have a rule against publishing more than one response to an online article. Today we’re breaking that rule to provide two more rebuttals. And then, we promise, we’re never talking about it again.

I logged onto Twitter this afternoon to find all of the bisexual accounts and organisations I follow talking about a recent HuffPo article. And not favourably.

The title alone made me recoil – Calling All Bi Women – Give Up Men! But I know that headlines are usually written by subeditors, rather than writers. They can be designed to drive clicks, rather than accurately reflecting the content. So I decided to read on. 

Let’s start with the… Continue reading

Give Up Men? But Why?


images (1)When Huffington Post published a blog by Kylie Barton entitled “Calling Bisexual Women: Give Up Men!”, bisexual twitter exploded. Tweet after tweet came in, calling out the blog’s author for internalised biophobia, hierarchical thinking, and logical fallacy after logical fallacy. In a community where gay men and women frequently posit that their relationships outrank ours on the scale of queer, here was a bi woman doing it too. 

Buckle in, because it’s going to get bumpy.

This entire response can be summed up in one word: No. However, that wouldn’t make a very good article, so I shall continue.
I won’t stop dating men, just as I won’t stop dating women, and I won’t stop dating nonbinary people. I won’t have anyone else policing my romantic or sexual life, regardless of their sexuality. I don’t fuck with biphobic respectability politics from within our outside of the LGBT+ community,… Continue reading