being a rubbish ally

"The impossibility of okay": When "allies" let us down

person-598312_1280As you pass me in the hallway you ask, “Are you okay?” I cannot give you the answer you want to hear. I know you hope I’m okay with you. You wish that I would accept your sad decision and embrace you. I simply can’t. Your poor decision makes this impossible. You claim to support the LGBT community, but deep down, we make you squirm. While you said one thing, you did another. You chose to acquiesce to the status quo because it was safe for you.

You claim we need to compromise. Why can’t you see that I’m not able to support your position of “compromise?” It isn’t compromise when one side is completely shut out of the conversation. How can I support this position? I am bisexual, not merely someone who joined a cause. You can walk away, as you did when it mattered most. You can go home from discussions, meetings, luncheons, marches, rallies, fundraisers. You go home and pat yourself on the back for a job well done, letting it slip from your mind, as just another one of many causes you choose to support.

You may be able to settle for less than full equality, but because I am bisexual, this isn’t an option. It is a core part of who I am. When I’m at home, I am bisexual. When I go to work, I am bisexual. When I take my kids to school, I am bisexual. When I make love to my husband, yes, even then, I am bisexual. I am bisexual when I eat, sleep, bathe, and breathe. I am always bisexual. I will always be bisexual. It is who I am! I am not a cause or movement! I am bisexual!
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