"Reader, I kissed her!": My bi-try experience

partykiss

“I’ve always considered myself straight… but I kissed a girl and I liked it!”

I’ve always considered myself to be your average, run of the mill, common or garden (albeit horny as hell) straight gal. I like men. I like that they’re hard and hairy and stubbly and broad and strong and, well, you know… male. However, in the words of that most luscious of ladies, one Miss K. Perry, I kissed a girl and I liked it. In fact, I liked it quite a lot.

It was a friend’s 30th birthday party and, as I was going through my “It’s not a good night out if you can remember it the next day” phase, there was quite a lot of drink taken (as we’d say back home in Ireland). I was just about to open bottle of Pinot number two when I decided it might be prudent to take a pee first and free up some room in the bladder. Upon exiting the loo, pee duly taken, I found myself face to face with my gorgeous and giggling friend Cheryl who threw her arms around me and said she was having the best time, and wasn’t it so great to see everyone together again. And the next thing I knew Cheryl had taken me by the hand and led me into the bedroom next door where she proceeded to kiss me passionately and explore my body with all the confidence of a woman who had done this many times before. I, being a virgin to the lady mooching, wasn’t quite sure how to take this initially, but also slightly the worse for booze, I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to start an awkward conversation along the lines of “This is a bad idea…it will ruin our friendship…Cheryl you’re just pissed… yada yada.” So I just went along with it. And here’s the thing…it was really really nice.

You see, and I do realise I am stating the bloody obvious here, girls are soft and smooth and they smell nice, and they have lovely curves where guys have hard muscles. And Cheryl just happened to be the most exquisite kisser. “Why haven’t we done this before?” she asked.

I have no idea,” I replied and leaned in for another lovely snog before we were rudely interrupted by someone who had barged in looking for the loo!

Well, needless to say it wasn’t long before word got out that Phoebe and Cheryl were upstairs having a good old pash. Cue: “What on earth does Phoebe think she’s doing?” and “Isn’t Cheryl a terrible old slag – her brand new boyfriend is downstairs in the living room waiting for her after all,” and “Phoebe is going to be absolutely mortified in the morning when she realises what she has actually done.”

The thing is, Phoebe was far from mortified. In fact, in the cold light of day with the pneumatic drill of white wine hangover pounding at my fragile brain, I reflected that it had been more than just a bit of a giggle and I had really quite enjoyed it.

Cnidus_Aphrodite_Altemps_Inv8619_n3

” In fact if I were to steal a quick 10 minutes with my vibrator it would be a gorgeous naked lady that I would picture in my mind’s eye as opposed to a gorgeous naked man.”

Eight years on, Cheryl and I are still the best of pals – though we never took things to stage two – and I am a happily married mother of one. But… I still fantasise about women quite a lot. In fact if I were to steal a quick 10 minutes with my vibrator it would be a gorgeous naked lady that I would picture in my mind’s eye as opposed to a gorgeous naked man. And when I recently had the rather tedious task of managing the social media content for one of the world’s largest live webcam websites (yes it is what you think it is – don’t ask), it certainly wasn’t the men prancing around with their willies out that caught my eye if I happened to be distracted by the content on the home page. It was the busty, luscious ladies with their soft sexy bodies and skimpy undies. No matter how much I might have tried to stay in work mode, there were times when it was impossible not to get turned on by the on-screen titillation.

So, does all this mean that I’m bisexual? The answer, in all honesty, is that I really don’t know. I think a lot of women, if pressed, would admit to finding other women attractive, or at the very least being able to appreciate the beauty of the female form. And I think this is possibly one of the reasons we can punish ourselves so mercilessly when it comes to our own bodies. We want to look like that which we find attractive. I know for a fact that many of my friends have had their own Cheryl and Phoebe story and one or two have even gone so far as to get naked and try out all manner of sexy activities with another woman. But again, whether or not that makes them bisexual is a different matter.

I think for me, what it boils down to is that when it comes to full on love making I only ever imagine myself with men. I like to watch other women pleasuring themselves and I find it incredibly arousing, but when all is said and done I couldn’t see myself pleasuring another woman. I think I would find that just a step too far and just a bit too weird. And, paradoxically, given my fantasies, the idea does nothing to get my juices flowing.

It seems to me that there are two sides to my, and possibly most people’s, sexual coin. There’s the side that appreciates and to a certain extent needs, visual stimulation and fantasy, and then there’s the other side that experiences sexuality and sexual arousal on a much deeper level. That being the side that connects with the soul and sexual energy of another person; that inexplicable force that draws you to them, that ignites something within you every time you get naked with them. For me this connection has always been with men. And maybe that has something to do with that very primeval and basic need that many women feel to reproduce. (I would certainly argue that my physical relationship with my husband went to a whole new level once we had a child together.) On the other hand, maybe it’s just that I never opened myself up to the possibility of that connection with another woman, because I just assumed it wouldn’t happen.

It’s all rather wonderfully mysterious and interesting, but the thing is, the older I get the less I feel the need to figure it out. I am relaxing into and fully enjoying my sexuality in all its rather complicated glory. Sometimes I’ll think about women, sometimes I’ll even seek them out to look at them. But does any of this really matter as long as I’m enjoying a healthy and fulfilling sex life with my life partner – who just so happens to be a man in all his hairy, stubbly and hard muscly glory?

Main photo © Dominic, licensed for use under Creative Commons

The following two tabs change content below.

Phoebe Daly

Latest posts by Phoebe Daly (see all)

2 Responses to "Reader, I kissed her!": My bi-try experience

  • Chloe says:

    A great example of sexual fluidity – showing that sometimes, we don’t need labels or indeed need to worry about what our sexual identity might be. On the flip side, I’ve never felt this connection with a man, but even so it still took me a while to understand that I am capable of feeling this with a woman!

  • Linda says:

    I can relate to a lot of this. I also think my sexuality is changing with age, and after having had children. I’ve opened up to my husband and a close friend, and it’s been quite liberating.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *