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Dear Straight Couples

2285660013_f9667ee1cb_zDear couples of OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, and Tinder

I am not your unicorn. I’m not interested in threesomes. I don’t want to share my body with people I neither know, nor trust. I’m not going to show up at your apartment with lingerie beneath my trenchcoat and play out your girl/girl/boy fantasy. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy group sex, I just don’t enjoy you, or your approach to it.

I understand that as an unpartnered polyamorous bisexual, I’m expected to be available for casual group sex any time, any place, with as little as an hour’s notice. And to that, I say, “Fuck you, pay me.” I am completely uninterested in casual sex with strangers, and since my profile is quite clear about that, it baffles me that you’d persist in asking.

Why do so many of you insist on rudely propositioning single women online for threesomes?… Continue reading

Apologising 101

apologizeWe’re all wrong sometimes. The key to our character lies in how we cope with that. An apology can go a long way to righting our wrongs, but, says El, only if we mean it. 

I had some, shall we say, ‘interesting’ interactions with another writer a few days ago. Now, I can’t say I take criticism perfectly myself, I’m a human being, I get defensive. I think almost everyone does. However, there are ways to deal with criticism, and this writer chose one of the worst. They felt it necessary to engage in a very public, rather unbecoming, debacle that took the form of a facebook thread.

I usually try to stay out of such things unless there’s a potential story in it, or some genuine discussion to be had, as changing the minds of strangers on the internet is generally only worthwhile if one is being paid… Continue reading

Giving Up Men is a Slippery Slope

Know-if-You-Are-Heterosexual-Step-10The bi-osphere (geddit!) has reacted angrily to the suggestion from one of our own that we ought to ‘give up men’. Arguments have been made on the basis of gender diversity, self-actualisation and repression.

Our Ed Libby thinks they’re missing one vital point.

Since the Gay Liberation movement first found its feet way back in the 1970s it has been asking bi women to call themselves lesbian, seek only relationships with women, and generally refuse to acknowledge their attraction to anyone else. It was, we were told, not fair to muddy the waters with multi-gender attraction. Better to stick to one and make things easy. It was an act of solidarity, they said. Attraction to one gender is just easier for people to understand. After all, weren’t we all working towards the same goal?

Similarly within the feminist movement, both bi- and heterosexuality were, in some quarters, roundly… Continue reading

Forget What the HuffPo Says – You Can Be Bi Your Way

pexels-photoYesterday, we published a response to the HuffPo blog ‘Calling All Bi Women – Give up Men’. Our inbox has been stuffed ever since. You aren’t happy and you’ve got a lot to say.

 Usually, we have a rule against publishing more than one response to an online article. Today we’re breaking that rule to provide two more rebuttals. And then, we promise, we’re never talking about it again.

I logged onto Twitter this afternoon to find all of the bisexual accounts and organisations I follow talking about a recent HuffPo article. And not favourably.

The title alone made me recoil – Calling All Bi Women – Give Up Men! But I know that headlines are usually written by subeditors, rather than writers. They can be designed to drive clicks, rather than accurately reflecting the content. So I decided to read on. 

Let’s start with the… Continue reading

Give Up Men? But Why?


images (1)When Huffington Post published a blog by Kylie Barton entitled “Calling Bisexual Women: Give Up Men!”, bisexual twitter exploded. Tweet after tweet came in, calling out the blog’s author for internalised biophobia, hierarchical thinking, and logical fallacy after logical fallacy. In a community where gay men and women frequently posit that their relationships outrank ours on the scale of queer, here was a bi woman doing it too. 

Buckle in, because it’s going to get bumpy.

This entire response can be summed up in one word: No. However, that wouldn’t make a very good article, so I shall continue.
I won’t stop dating men, just as I won’t stop dating women, and I won’t stop dating nonbinary people. I won’t have anyone else policing my romantic or sexual life, regardless of their sexuality. I don’t fuck with biphobic respectability politics from within our outside of the LGBT+ community,… Continue reading

Shock as Long-Time Self-Confessed Nazi is Discovered to be Nazi

tila_tequila_2008_539_332_c1Bisexual “reality” “star” Tila Tequila, who has long posted images to the internet of herself in Nazi garb, publicly praised Hitler and who was kicked off Celebrity Big Brother in 2015 for antisemitism, has shocked the liberal establishment by being photographed performing a Nazi salute.

Self described ‘Alt-reich queen’ Tila Tequila, who once starred in her own MTV faux-reality show A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, where male and female competitors vied for a relationship with the singer writer internet celebrity, has been pictured alongside white supremacists Richard B Spencer and Chuck Johnson with their right arms raised in a Nazi salute. Tequila, since suspended from Twitter under its new hate speech rules, uploaded the image to the social media platform along side the caption ‘seig heil’ (sic).

The Asian-American star, who claimed in 2012 to be converting to Judaism, has a long history of Nazi sympathising,… Continue reading

“A Real Shift in Public Discourse”: The Biggins Furore Shows Things Are Getting Better

Christopher Biggins’ biphobic remarks have been ruled acceptable by Ofcom. That’s not great news, but there is a sunny side to this situation, says Dr Helen Bowes-Catton of BiUK.

It’s not fashionable to admit it, but this whole Biggins-Big-Brother-biphobia saga really cheers me up- and not just because it’s so delightfully alliterative. I know that’s an odd thing to say, but bear with me and I’ll explain.

Now don’t get me wrong, I was really disappointed that Ofcom, responding to complaints about Biggins’ biphobic remarks on Celebrity Big Brother, incomprehensibly decided that, actually it was ok to be offensive about bisexuals on national TV. Like a lot of people, I found myself speculating wryly about the likelihood of a contestant getting away with similar remarks about lesbians or gay men. But on balance, the way this whole thing has played out seems to me to offer more reasons… Continue reading

Pride, with Prejudice: When Biphobia Creeps into Same Gender Relationships

14993627065_484af81058_zWe mainly think about biphobia in terms of harm to bisexual-identified people, but in reality it can affect anyone. Holly Matthies examines one of the more insidious ways it can manifest.

For me, Pride means minding the stalls for the political party I belong to and the local bisexual support/social group Biphoria. I love it: you’re away from the worst of the overwhelming crowds, and people come over if they’re at all interested in your stall and ignore you if they’re not. It’s nice to feel helpful: to hand out stickers and flyers, answer questions, let people know what we do.

It didn’t take long after I first started doing this at Pride (in Manchester, though I’ve since been to various ones across the northwest), in 2009 or so, to start expecting that something unpleasant would happen when I sat down behind a trestle-table full of purple bisexual literature… Continue reading

Asylum Denied: The Grim Irony of Proof of Sexuality Edicts

United_States_Court_of_Appeals_for_the_Seventh_Circuit_Seal.svgLast week the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 7th Circuit issued a decision:that a  bi Jamaican asylum-seeker isn’t actually bisexual. As in Orashia Edwards recent Uk asylum case, Fuller found that his claim of bisexuality was rejected because of his relationships with women.  

If a documented history of relationships with more than one gender does not equal ‘bi’, what can we do? Holly Matthies tackles the thorny issue of ‘proving’ your sexuality.

My first exposure to the news of Ray Fuller’s failed asylum case was a tweet from Bisexual Index. “Horrifying,” it said. “Not bisexual because he’s attracted to women, asylum judge rules.”

My first response was to write When we say “Biphobia kills,” it’s not hyperbole. People don’t know what bisexuality is, and that harms bisexuals. It’s not the only way biphobia can be deadly, of course, but for anyone to be deported… Continue reading

Flirting Without Fear: Your Guide to Getting It On

download (1)There’s one workshop at BiCon that’s always completely packed: Flirting. We did a little flirting of our own and got Kate Harrad who runs the workshop to let us in on a few of her secrets…

Why do people flirt? There’s often a perception that flirting is a bit dishonest, a bit like beating around the bush; if you fancy someone you should just tell them so. But flirting is a vital tool in the pursuit of romantic/sexual connection. It’s not for everyone, but it is incredibly useful, because the fact is, many – many –  people are not confident enough to walk up to someone and say ‘I fancy you, please date me.’

And the truth is, many people aren’t comfortable with being told that, either. It can put you on the spot, and if you’re not good at saying no, you might find yourself going out with… Continue reading